


Wake

by SomeSunnyDay



Series: Hospice [1]
Category: Johnny the Homicidal Maniac
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anxiety, M/M, Other, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:34:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22158667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeSunnyDay/pseuds/SomeSunnyDay
Summary: When faced with things you can't handle, it's easier to run away to a more familiar set of traumas.(Vent fic.)
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Series: Hospice [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1594972
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Wake

**Author's Note:**

> Taken from personal experience, I've had to do this a couple of times with my mama and with the death of my step dad. Gonna project my crap onto Jimmy since I can't get the trauma out properly I guess.
> 
> (Based on the song Wake by The Antlers. This is gonna be my venting series off the whole album Hospice.)

"Jimmy! Where are you going? Get back here!"

Jimmy didn't know where the need to run came from, he couldn't really tell the counselor either since he couldn't find the words.

_ Poking at a sore spot in therapy. _

The overwhelming anxiety made Jimmy physically sick. Needing his back against the building wall was really the only way to alleviate the sting of it. Images flashed in his mind of his dad dying in front of him, coughing up blood.

_ Absolutely pathetic. _

He got up eventually and quickly walked home, maybe there'd be something edible in the pantry this time.

Opening the door to his house, he immediately felt that something was wrong. He walked slowly through the hallway and got to his mom's room. 

The smell of alcohol hit him when he opened the door. He walked to the side of the bed. She was laying down on her side, arm sticking out from the blanket. He knelt down in front of her and took her hand.

"Mama? I thought you were gonna try to quit this week."

Sarah shifted her head to look at him "..what's the point James.."

Jimmy shook his head slowly "..No mama, please, not again.."

She sat up slowly "..I need another drink James..get mama another drink, please baby?"

Jimmy nodded with his eyes to his jeans. He got up and got her wallet and took out some money, he called back to the room "..I'll be right back- I promise!"

He ran to the store as fast as he could.

_ It’d be ok. _

He ran back to the house a little slower, since the bottles would break if he wasn’t careful. Getting inside he went straight to Sarah’s room. He dropped the case and covered his mouth to conceal the sort of clipped whine that came out when he opened the door.

Tripping over several items, Jimmy hoped he could help in time. Getting dish towels from the bathroom and sitting beside Sarah, he really didn’t want to do this again.

“..no no no no- mama, mama- please-” his voice was scratchy and quiet, the tears were making it harder to wrap the towels properly. 

He’d have to check for a pulse on her other arm.

She made slow but heavy movements, trying to get her arm back “No! J-James-..Lemme go-”

Jimmy raised his voice “Mama! You’re bleeding! I’m not gonna let you sit here and bleed out! I tell you this every time this happens!”

She passed out shortly after Jimmy set her arm back.

_ No more sharp kitchen appliances. _

Jimmy sat in the waiting room, when the receptionist saw Jimmy come in she made quick work of the information needed, she knew him very well at this point.

When Jimmy was allowed back to his mom’s room they had to ask him to wash his hands. Dried blood and vomit wasn’t sanitary. 

_ Scrubbing the bed and carpet was a lot harder this time. _

After he got cleaned up a little, he had to talk with the doctor.   
  


He looked at him with pity.

“Hello Jimmy.”

He nodded in acknowledgement.   
  
“Sarah’s gonna have to be admitted into the mental care facility again. I think she’ll be there for a while this time.”

Jimmy nodded again and looked over to her, he really didn’t like seeing her this way. 

“..Will I be able to visit?”   
  


“Yes, I’d give it a few days though. We have everything we need, you can go home now Jimmy.”

He nodded again, got up and walked out slowly, his boots were the only thing he focused on as he exited the hospital building.

_ Maybe she’ll get better this time.  _ **_Doubtful._ **

When he got back to the house he threw away all the bottles and got rid of the knives, he’d need to get another set eventually.

Once everything was cleaned up completely, Jimmy sat down on the couch. This wasn’t the first time that this had happened. Maybe it wouldn’t be the last, maybe it’d continue until he finally gave up.

_ There’s only so much care you can have when it never gets better. _

After a while of looking at snowy TV he called his therapist.

“Hey Mr. Vargas.”

“Jimmy! I heard a few minutes ago that you ran out of your group session- I was about to call you, are you ok?”

Jimmy’s eyes stung and his vision blurred “..M-mama..uh..mama tried to kill herself again.”

“..did you have to clean the bedding?”

“..yeah, and the carpet this time too- I found what she used..Mr. Vargas, I can’t keep fucking doing this. I can’t keep hiding her meds, tossing knives in the trash, taking away her keys.  _ I’m tired of it.. _ ” he spoke to a near whisper at the end, he didn’t want to sob.

_ Don’t cry, you motherfucking piss poor excuse for a human being. Don’t you  _ **dare** _ cry like that right now. _

“Jimmy, let me say this please. You can’t let yourself handle this alone, you can’t let yourself take this type of abuse. I regret to say this but some people can’t be saved, but that burden’s not on you. Even if that person is your family, Sarah has to take that first step to her recovery, you can’t force it. You understand?”

Jimmy nodded and wiped his face “..yeah. I’m gonna go lay down now.”

“Jimmy, are you alright to go? Tell me you’ll be safe.”

“I think so.”

“No, Jimmy,  _ assure _ me you’ll be alright. I want you to feel like you can believe that as well.”

“..I’ll be alright, Mr. Vargas.”   
  


“Thank you, we’ll talk more tomorrow.”

“..Ok, good night Mr. Vargas.”

“Good night Jimmy.”

Jimmy hung up the phone, put it back on the wall and collapsed to the floor. He cried for a long while like that, when he finally got up he went to the bathroom and took off his makeup. He took off his boots and changed his clothes.

His pajama pants needed a new drawstring, maybe he’d get a new pair instead, smaller than his current ones. 

He laid down, he closed his eyes and thought of what Mr. Vargas had told him once 

**_This too shall pass, but always nurture the hope that there is hope._ **

Jimmy fell asleep again eventually, hoping for something better to happen tomorrow.


End file.
